On Children...

I've been enjoying the company of the children of my friends quite a bit lately, and still find myself holding true to not wanting any of "my own." Usually, the 7B population argument wins me over, though I'm finding my heart in 'continuous-break' cycle when granted an audience of the 'miniature variety.'

Kids take to me. I'm big. I'm friendly. I lift them up onto my shoulders... They make fun of me. I make fun of them... and I find I am simply fascinated to watch a mind being fascinated - as children can only do.

Aside from the population argument, I think there is also a social argument for holding off on the urge to reproduce. So many of our long-standing social contracts are in great transition today (witness a baby boomer, a genXer, and gen-Y in the same room...) and certainly the social contract between men and women is of no exception. While driving back to BC today, I thought I'd catch some of my musings 'on tape,' and I later paired it with a video of me walking from a few years back. The video is 4:38, in length. Enjoy!

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I may be self identifying my age in this video. The attraction stage is where my argument points. It seems we rely on this stage to carry us through a relationship, through into a happily-ever-after state of being. I think anyone in a long standing partnership would be the first to laugh at such an idea - and laugh the loudest. Simply, I hope this gender-fuelled dialogue could aim toward things like reflexive listening or generative discourse, not simply staying in 'talking nice,' or 'talking tough.'

Generative Discourse in relationship is very much like a dream for me. I simply have a difficult time following social scripts, for better or for worse. I have difficulty believing 'talking nice,' when I know full wall that 'talking tough' is right below the surface. I have very little to fight about in relationship, and so moving into reflexive listening (also reflective l.) for me comes readily. Yet this never seems to satisfy. It seems people do not trust a partnership unless you fight. And fight. And fight. And fight.

If that were true - that one needs to fight to gain the health of a relationship - then why so high a divorce rate? Is this truly successful strategy? What are other ways available to us to learn of a person's personal boundaries...?

So I'd like to suggest that the quality of the 'fighting' needs attention. Usually when disagreement rises, the assumption comes to the fore that the relationship is soon to end - as if there were only two options: fight until the other submits, or, abandon ship. It just strikes me that somewhere along the way, we've lost the skill set of relating for the long haul.

This bachelor, for one, is not going to stop looking, nor asking, for the quality of interchange I desire, no matter how long it takes to develop.

Cheers all & thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed the video! And I look forward to you're feedback and insight on this topic.